To live and die in Rome (1/n)
A Play by William Shakespeare, Revised into Modern English by Vaso Vukotic
Greetings, I am experimenting with the idea of turning Shakespeare’s works into modern English. I am posting my first pass and initial foray into this model.
ACT 1 SCENE 1
Streets of Rome.
Flave, Marullus, and some standard stock of Rome enter the scene.
Flave
Get your asses outta here, you bums.
You all got the day off, I see.
I know you're working the night shift at the plant
Where's your uniform
What's your job
Standard Stock 1: Carpenter. Like Jesus.
Marullus: So your leather apron and your tape measure, where are they? How come you're wearing your nicest clothes? Alright how about you, what's your profession?
Second Standard Stock: In respect of people with actual professions, I'm just a cobbler.
Marullus: Right but what's your actual profession.
SSS: I'm a mender of bad soles.
Marullus: What. Is. Your. Job. Beyotch.
SSS: Na man it ain't like that man, I can mend you if need be.
Marullus: Mend me?! You'd better watch your mouth. What do you mean by that?!
SSS: Cobble ya right up.
Marullus: You're a cobbler?
SSS: Too legit to quit, everything I do is with my awl. I don't fucks with no cash register, I don't fucks with no ladywork, just the awl. For real, I am a surgeon when it comes to old kicks. When they about to die, I bring them back to life. Revived. The swaggiest swag walks in my handiwork.
Flave: Okay so why are you not in your shop today then? Why are you leading these miscreants through the corridors?
SSS: Oh yeah I take the boys out on a saunter and they wear their kicks out all the more. It's good for business, you know what I'm sayin'? And Caesar kinda won that thing today so we out here, chillin', smokin', celebrating the win.
Marullus: Celebrate? Celebrate what? What treasures is he bringing back? No tsunamis following him back to Rome, he's not surfing his chariot back to us, is he?
You're a fucking dumbass. Your heart is made of stone, you never met Pompy??
—stay tuned, more to come—